I went to the Turning Wheel a few days ago and got some Jasmine. I've heard it's suppose to help calm nerves. Or read rather. Lord and Lady knows I need it. For some reason my nerves have been off lately. My anxiety is up a lot. Maybe stress from work. Stress with family. Who knows. People have changed, things have changed. I don't mind change. I just wasn't really expecting it.

I also bought a little plain book with the triple moon symbol on it. I don't know what I am going to use it for yet. I thought about just writing in there things that I do, things that I want to do, relating to my path. I also thought about using it as a normal journal. I think I'm just gonig to go with the first one. I'd like to write out a schedule for myself and paste it onto the inside cover. Not something to restrict me, just something to help me. I have a problem with doing things for me sometimes. Meditating, praying, etc. If I could just put aside the time, even if I just start with a few days a week, I might beable to get myself into the habit of doing it more often. Then I can write in there things that I am thinking or feeling while doing it. I guess just use it for whatever makes me feel right, huh?

I miss how dedicated I use to be to this stuff. I don't know why I lose it sometimes. I wish I could move. Not that I don't like my family, but if I could just have some of my own personal space, I could do this stuff more often. I don't know though. We'll see.

Another issue I've been having alot lately is the need to quit smoking. Not just the need, but the want. It's like, going to bed I feel completely confident that I can do it. Then I fail the next day. I don't really know how to do it I guess. I've only had 2 cigarettes today, and I only intend on having one more before I go to work. Limiting myself. It only works for a short while. Few days. Then somethings happens and I am smoking so much more. I just don't want to be smoking by summer time. But we'll see.

Give me strength.

Goddess Bless.

I'm feelign a lot better right now than I was before.

I picked up a book called "Nocturnal Witchcraft" from the library. I've wanted to read this book for YEARS, but was never sure if it was really worth spending the money on. It sure was. I am really enjoying the writiing in this book, as it isn't from a "know-it-all" type of person. It's just somebody who explains how they came into this kind of stuff and basically how they like to do things. They write it in a very casual way where you never feel like they are telling you the right or wrong way to do things.

Any any rate. I pulled out some stuff of mine today, casted my circle and just meditated. I did it in a very simple way in which there wasn't any kind of big ritual or a walk. It was a small . . . bubble so to speak. Enough to have my materials and me sitting there and I relaxed. It was a very nice feeling. I haven't done stuff like this in a while and I felt very refreshed and relieved as soon as I closed the circle around me. All I did was meditate for about 10-15 minutes (The process of getting deep into the meditation isn't hard for me as I've done it for so long. I can actually sit in the car while somebody else is driving with the radio on and the sound of traffic and I can still meditate.) and then I said a few prayers. After that I lifted the circle and continued through my day. It would be nice to do this every morning though. It makes me feel so much better and way more motivated throughout the day.

I am going to start trying astral travel and things of that sort. My boyfriend already knows how to do this stuff, but it's always gave me an eerie feeling. Like something bad would happen to me. But I don't feel that anymore. I feel like I am ready and I feel almost . . . protected again. I'm glad I started getting back into this stuff alot more. But I figured I am going to practice this stuff just in order to help open my mind a little bit more so I can take my studies of the psychic nature into actual practice.

Wish me luck!

Goddess Bless.

Yes, the nerdiest title I could have possibly had. Haha

So I've been talking to my brother's fiance. Or at least, I started to today. And I found out that she wants to get together and make the soaps and oils and stuff with me. She said she use to be into the whole Pagan scene a lot more before she had kids because then her time ran short. They are moving on the 15th of February and she wants to get together shortly after that. 

It's just comforting. I don't know a lot of people around me who are into this stuff. My sister reads abotu some of it sometimes, but she's confused as to what "belief" she really wants to go with. My brother use to be a serious Wiccan, but he's hit his midlife crisis point and I'm not sure what's going on with him. It's just that either I meet people who are know it alls and basically think that the way they do things is the right way to do it, or I meet people who makes me feel like they are just reciting a text book they memorized and they don't really know what they are talking about. I don't feel like she's going to be judgemental of me or anything like that. I feel like we can get along really well. I mean I kind of know her, but not too much about her. She's always respectful of me and I just always wanted some kind of companion or something like that to do this kind of stuff with. So it's nice.

There's a Masquerade Ball coming up pretty soon that I really want to go to. I'm not sure if we will be going, but it sounds really fun. I've never been to one and always wanted to do something like this. It's from the Open Hearth Foundation. It's this whole Pagan community thing. I'm actually really excited about it.

Sometimes I think people look at me as weird for this stuff. They support me, but I get the feeling that sometimes people think I'm nuts for believing in all this stuff and wanting to play a bigger roll in the Pagan community.

Not like that's going to stop be. I just would like to feel more accepted sometimes.

Anyway, I'll write more later. Got work in the A.M.

Goddess Bless.